Interconnection with all that IS Part 1 (General)

by BBella , Tuesday, February 14, 2017, 06:20 (2622 days ago) @ dhw

The universe is unquestionably based on something that is beyond our current understanding. My musings were rather more personal, though, as I was really wondering why interconnectedness was such an important factor in BBella’s concept of the ALL THAT IS.

Even though the details have become fuzzy over the years, your question has me asking myself the same question and following the "breadcrumbs" or thread back to how it all came about; how I developed my "belief" of the interconnectedness of all things and why it has become an important factor in my concept of all that IS, so much so, that I feel no shadow of doubt about my connection and interconnection with it.

Going back to when my illness became unbearable those many years ago, when I had willed myself to die, as I've mentioned before, this brought about an OBE that subsequently opened up my life to visions, dreams, and a connection to the world that I had never experienced before. Before this time, I had increasingly began to shut down - feeling alone, distanced and isolated, even with my family. The pain had separated me from my life. I had become a separate particle in a world I could no longer relate with. I felt I had nothing left to live for but to be a burden to my family. I had become not only a separate particle, an inconsequential one as well. But that isnt how I entered this world as a very young child, I remember feeling very connected. I was born with a communal sense with the world I was born into, especially with nature - in every sense of the word - which led to a huge problem later in my young life - as I followed my "senses" rather than the cultural wisdom of common sense and tradition, I became very senseless in the eyes of my loved ones living for the pleasure of my senses and nothing else.

Then Christianity swooped in and saved me, giving me a sense of mind and intellect that had me researching with a fervor, wanting to understand my place in God's will for my life. I developed a closer connection to my family and loved ones and life went along as "the good Lord willed". That good will began to fade out of sight when years later, pain entered and took over my life (my last child at this time was still an infant). Because of the pain, which developed quickly over one years time and when on for 5 years with no end or relief in sight from the medical field, I became disillusioned with God. I could not understand why the God that had saved me from myself (selfishness), that I had come to know and love, had abandoned me at the time I needed him most. I felt uncared for by the ONE that I had spent much of my adult life worshiping, consuming knowledge and understanding about, and living what I believed was his will was for mine and my children's lives, doing the best that my mental and physical capability as a human could. I lived a good Christian life, giving to the community as a Christian counselor, giving to the poor and helping everywhere I could - doing all a good Christian would want to do. But the pain shut all that down in a very short time. The pain separated me from everything I loved about my life. It was a mental and a physical anguish - a distance that nothing could cross over to me or that I could escape from. I felt boxed in a padded cell unable to be reached by anyone or anything, except pain, which was my cell mate.

After the first OBE, I began a very slow but progressive road to unlocking that cell door through an uncanny guidance that I had never known before. Because nothing in my past could help me, I refused help from anything I had known before - knowing it would not and could not help me. I shunned every road I had ever traveled before this time. Nothing anyone could say (try this or that) would I listen to. I felt like I had become an empty vessel that shunned or was wary of any familiarity. I knew nothing in my past had helped lessen my pain - so whatever it was that suddenly helped me during the OBE was unfamiliar to me, and I was unable to recreate it through what I already knew or relate to it, because I knew nothing about it. I didnt want to be disturbed by the mental addiction I'd had, since becoming a Christian, of the constant rambling through any and every exhausting avenue in my mind, searching for answers (as I had done in my search to understand God's will for my life, etc). Initially, it was a wondrous time for me to be in that state of non trust and nothingness, but a strange time for my family, because I became very quiet for quite sometime - but they were happy I was no longer in as much pain. I lived in observe mode, fearful of even a thought. I didnt want to disturb the waters - so to speak, by thinking. I learned a new state of quiet emptiness by building a wall around my mental space, not allowing even one thought to enter. In some way, I felt like an infant child, peering into the unknown (inside and outside of me), fearful of the old boogeyman (information) that had led me into a dark and scary prison I had just emerged from. I knew something had helped me emerge, I just didn't know what - but I knew what it wasnt; anything familiar that I had known before. So I just detached myself - like a balloon detached from it's string, off into the unknown.